Chopping Mall / Kilbots (1986)
Starring: Kelli Maroney, Tony O'Dell, John Terlesky and an appearance by Dick Miller, Paul Bartel
Category: Boxes that scared me as a kid
Plot Tags: Robots, malfunction of some kind of other, campy
Original release: March, 1986
Format viewed: DVD - rented from Vulcan, naturally
Directed by: Jim Wynorski
Written by: Jim Wynorski & Steve Mitchell
Produced by: Julie Corman
Distributed by: Concorde Pictures
I've not, to this point, included much in the producing areas for the movies. Save for a few folks here and there that have some level of a track record, producers can as often be passionate movie people as they can be strange money launderers from Latvia. Nothing against Latvia, I just get the feeling like maybe shady money launderers come from there. That and potato pancakes. No wait, those are latkas. Off topic...my mentioning this is that this ridiculous film was produced by Julie Corman, Roger Corman's wife. Found that interesting.
Back to the task at hand. I feel like part of this thing that I'm doing is as a public service to friends and family. As in, I will watch some of these things so you don't have to (I'm looking at you, Abominable). In the case of Chopping Mall, this was one that I very quickly recalled as being a VHS box that scared the crap out of me. There was a robot/armor looking hand, a shopping bag full of body parts - yeesh. But as it turns out, it is a profoundly cheesy, ill-conceived film that pits a bunch of teenagers (you know, those 80s teenagers that all looked like they were in their late 20s) against some robots in a locked down mall overnight. The story basically is that a security company is pitching these security robots to be used at the mall for overnight watch. They have tazers and darts to subdue badguys until the police get there. The robots kind of look like a cross between those weird robot toys some kids had that you poured fuel into and they smoked/steamed, Johnny 5 from Short Circuit and a toaster.
On their first night on the job, a group of aged teenagers make a plan to stay in the furniture store for drinking and fun. A lightning storm strikes the building and frizzle fries the robots, turning them into killing machines. So they keep their general plan of protecting the mall - but in a much more murder-y way. I could go on for paragraphs about basic plot points and who gets got when, but it really boils down to the following line delivered by one of the actresses (can't remember which one, interchangeable really - might've been in a binder) after an outburst and argument:
"I'm sorry. I guess I'm just not used to being chased around the mall in the middle of the night by killer robots."
So there you go. That pretty much sums it up. There are a few great effect shots but all in all it was a bit of a chore to make it to the end. The writing was amusing at times (both intentionally and unintentionally) and with fun cameos by Paul Bartel (the bald bearded guy in nearly every 80s movie you barely remember) and Dick Miller (uncle in Gremlins among many many others) it isn't a completely useless movie if you've got an hour to kill and want to watch pissed off home appliances chase people around a dark mall in Los Angeles. Elsewise, I hope I'll be able to get you better fare moving forward. Considering I've got Blackula, Re-Animator, Man Bites Dog, We are what we are and Tomb of the Blind Dead coming up, I think you will.
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